I know I can't work as illustrator or editor or writer if I only work based on my mood. And I really learn it the hard way.
I'm trying to involve my self in a charity project of children book. As and illustrator. I think this will be a great debut.
BUT I wrecked it in the last minute.
The editor asked me to submit on 5th November. At night. Heck I know I couldn't do that. As I've just recovered from my translation work. But I said I will try to do that.
DANG IT! Why I always do that? Whenever I think I can't do the work or I'm not sure about the deadline, why can't I just say no, and ask for more suitable deadline?
DAMN ME. I'm depressed now.
In fact. I was fooling around. Editing my novel, drawing another things A LOT. I couldn't catch the mood though I love the short story really much :( :( :( Oh My God.
So from 5th November till last night, I had just did the work. I didn't sleep for that. God, mercy ><
And I think this was my debut.
Last night she mentioned me in the group. I didn't dare to come coz I was still sketching at the moment.
The illustration was given to the other illustrator. Worst was, I know the illustrator and he was kind enough to me. I wonder if he would still care and be kind after this embarrassing incident.
And it was in front of people. Though the writer of the story liked my work enough and asked me politely to revise.
I'm cursed. I'm damned. By my self.
I asked for apologize to the editor. She didn't reply me. OF COURSE? I never responded her until now :( OH GOD.
And I tried to save my ass to the illustrator I know. Asking whether he had finished the illustration of not.
He didn't reply either. OF COURSE???
Now I really look like a jerk. Failing miserably to save my ass. So basically I didn't sleep last night for nothing...
THERE'S NOTHING MORE FRUSTRATING THAN THE MISSING DEADLINE
Now I have try another way to look for illustration job. I don't think I would appear in the group for moment. Maybe it would take years for them to forget about the incident. Though I'm sure the editor and the illustrator won't forget about it. EVER.
Why? Why? Why? I should fix my way of communicating with people. God.
Well...actually my acquaintance from a newspaper was calling me to meet him as he wants me to show my works so he could find some suitable cover illustration jobs for me. The payment is little, About 10 $ per cover. But I think I could learn this opportunity to learn. A lot
And my parents have warned me not to mess up again...
Well... I try.
I wonder if there's other professional illustrator who once learnt the hard way like me. Like missing the deadline and upsetting the client. It's good that I'm not paid for the project. It's only the charity project. "ONLY".
But still... I feel so hurt inside.