Thursday, December 20, 2012


For all the times that have been wasted...
For all the impudent thing that have been done
For all the laziness that have been through...
For all the chances that have been flied away...

What is the point of regret?

Times will never return...

God bye days...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I saw my face in the mirror today and found a cute face. But then I realize that behind that face, without my skins, meat, etc, I'm just a pale skeleton. How hard I try to run after beauty, in the end, I will never avoid the fate that I'll be just a pale bones, in the end I will be buried alone deep down underground...

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Alone in The Dark

I'm alone and I'm lonely. Just look at my FB, I felt like I've spent my times in the cave. My friend has a baby now. One of my favorite lecturer accepted 252 B-day messages last week (except from me)... And here I am still exile myself... I want to go faraway... far far far away... to the place that is not here

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Writing in Darkness

It's been a long time since I updated this blog last time. Honestly I don't really know what I should write here. First time I made this blog, this one was supposed to be the container of my darkness of heart. Then I felt that I didn't feel emo or dark too often anymore so this blog ridiculously shifted its role as a provider of some Korean pop song's lyrics.

I am a kind of person who like to write whenever I'm happy. When I feel depressed I find I can't even write any single punctuation. Many experts may said that writing is one of therapies. But for me it's  not work the same way since I can't write my sadness as fluently as writing my happiness. Whereas, they (the experts) said that by pouring your feelings in some pieces of paper it's helpful to ease yourself (writing to ease yourself means writing whatever burdened your heart, right???). I do really want to write some of my depressing moments,'s difficult. I feel so mad, and humiliated myself whenever I tried to do it. Moreover, who wants to read about sadness?

Lately I'm always haunted by own thoughts. The thoughts keep saying inside my brain: "You have to die. I have to die. ARGH! Why don't I die???"

Yeah it sounds crazy. Not sounds...IT IS CRAZY. Sad and depressing moments are filling my brain, replacing every single happy thoughts. It's like a living hell. I even can't feel happy in the moments when I should be happy. For example when my lecturers announced that I passed my thesis examination. I relieved for seconds then I felt so dark after I realized they gave me bunch of paper works to revise my thesis. I feel so dark that my mind goes blank every time I face my revisions. Also the strange thought that I can't even face my graduation

I need a help indeed. I went to a psychiatrist for times before I could finally finish my thesis. She said I have bipolar disorder. Then I went to an indigo spiritualist who said that someone had cursed me with evil magic spell. The spell made me couldn't sleep for almost two months and made me thought several absurd things like that I was a reincarnation of Odin. Reading ancient runes (that is supposed to be only a reference for my fiction) and some times I spent at Greek Mythology course might be the reason. Then I went blabbering orally or by texting my friends beyond my control. When I'm finally healed, I felt so horribly humiliated.

I can't write more for a moment... AGH....

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Tohoshinki Newest's Single: STILL. Romaji and Lyric Translation (90%)

Finally! Tohoshinki releases their newest single, STILL. How I love this song. Lately I don't feel their songs like B.U.T, Winter Song, I Don't Know, DUET, and Super Star are ear-catchy. I never listened to them anymore after I played it once. Usually I would remember the tone of their songs once I listened to it. Or... the songs would tempt me to listen it again and again. The last thing I was enchanted by their songs was after Keep Your Head Down and Before You Go. After that? I was still waiting while keep listening to JYJ's In Heaven, until...NOW! Finally The Kings comeback with their new and enchanting single! This song is simply engraved in my heart. Also if you want to learn Japanese, I suggest you to learn from this song. The words aren't too hard to understand and to be memorized. Ja...kikimasuyo!

Look at how Changmin posed here. It feels like he said "We're still the KING of K-POP!" XD
STILL (performed by Tohoshinki)

adokenai egao wo ukabeta
shashin no nakano futari wa mada
konna hi ga kuru towa omowazu

o soroi no koucha wo eranda

kawa ranai kono terasu wa kyoumo
natsukashii ni oiga surukedo

nake tekunno wa kimi noseisa

mou ichido sasotte mou ichido waratte
bokutachi ga kono basho de deaetanara
kimi no te nigitte chikaitai no ni sou nanda

kimi no koe ga kikenai nante?
kimi no namae yobenai nante?
semete yume de aetara kitto
kimi wo gyutto daki shimerunda

dakedo kimi ni aenai nante?
aishiteruto ienai nante?
kanashii hodo kuru o shikutte
setsunai setsunai koi wo shita

ah… tada nai tanda
ah… setsunai setsunai koi wo shita

sabishisa wo gomakasu dakenara
hokano dareka de yokatta noni
itsumo kimi no sugata kasame te
yokei ni sabishii to omotta

itsu no nikakono kaku wo magatte
menomae ni kimi ga iru koto ga
yumemite iru kiseki nanda
guuzen demo yokutte hitsuzen demo yokutte
bokutachiga kono michi de deaetanara
kimi no te tsukande ubai taiyo sou nanda

kimi no kata ni motaretai yo
kimi wo jitto mitsumetai yo
semete yume de ae tarakitto
kimi ni chanto kisu wo surunda

kimi wo itsumo wasurenai yo
bokuwa zutto kawarenai yo
kurushii hodo ittoshikutte
setsunai setsunai koi wo shita

nee ima nani shiteruno?
kimi wa shiawase nano? no no no no no no
kimi wa mada still staying forever in my heart
kimi wa ima mo.. in my my heart

kimi no te nigitte chikai tainoni I love you..
kimi no koe ga kikenai nante?
kimi no namae yobenai nante?
semete yume de ae tarakitto
kimi wo gyutto daki shimerunda

dakedo kimi ni aenai nante?
aishiteru to ienai nante?
kanashii hodo kuru o shikutte
setsunai setsunai koi woshita

ah… tada nai tanda
ah… setsunai setsunai koi woshita

I want you to stay in my heart
I need your love that brings tears to my eyes

Haha...their eyes looks begging (and a bit teasing), "We're only two members now. But you're STILL with Tohoshinki, right?" XD


Your warm smiling face
Both of us smiling brightly in the photograph
I thought , “Will such days come again?”

I felt the taste of nostalgia

If I cried then it’s your fault

Once again, supporting each other. Once again, smiling brightly. If we reunite in this place again.
I want to hold your hand and make an oath, just like that

Wht I can’t hear your voice?
Why I can’t call your name?
But if we meet in our dreams,
I will hug you tightly.

But why I cannot meet you?
Why I cannot say that I love you.
My sadness keeps coming
How sad this love. How sad I loved you

ah…but just nothing can do
ah…sad love sad love

Running away from loneliness
Everyone can do that
But your silhouette still over lapping
And it becomes more lonely and heavier

When can I turn around this corner
(and) see you in front of me
A miracle like seeing a dream
Though it’s coincidence, though it’s inevitable
If we reunite again in this street
I want to hold your hand and snatch you away, just like that

I want to lean on your shoulders,
I want to keep looking at you.
If we meet in our dreams,
I will kiss you with (all) my strength.

I cannot forget you till forever.
I will always stay like this.
The harder it is, the more I’ll love you.
Painful Love.

Hey, what are you doing now?
Are you still happy? No no no no no
You’re still staying forever in my heart
Even now you’re still in my heart…in my heart

I want to hold your hand tightly. I love you
Why I can’t hear your voice?
Why I can’t call your name?
But if we meet in our dreams,
I will hug you tightly.

But why I can’t meet you?
But why I can’t say I love you?
My sadness keeps coming
How sad this love. How sad when I loved you

I want you to stay in my heart
I need your love that brings tears to my eyes


Is this song really talk about them, Fans? Well...I could sense your suspicious naughty stare from here, Guys =p
Some people said that actually though the MV was shown like that, this lyrics doesn't say anything about the boy's feeling toward a girl but about YUNJAE! Or it's Tohoshinki's feeling toward JYJ. Well...I'm more comfortable with the second idea since I'm not into THAT kind of relationship things! But well...I don't know. I leave the interpretation to all of you, Fans ;p

Yunho and Changmin seemed spacing out here. What were they thinking when this photo was shot? Were they thinking about their ex-members JYJ? XD

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It's Time to Wake Up, Dear

Let the evening comes... you're not afraid of death.
You're afraid of being dead.
of being rotten
deep down
under the dark ground

of your beauty
being munched
by the decayed worms

of being left
and forgotten

You're not afraid of death.
You are just afraid
of how the angel will grab your soul.
Will it softly?
Like a mother hugging her baby?
Or will it fast and hard?
Like a hand tear a silk?

Or will it slowly and hard?
like when a hand gripping a feather
ripping it, then throw it to nowhere

You're not afraid of death
You're just afraid
to where will you go after
the death... coming and
grabbing your soul.

You could run over the world
but the evening will always come to you
like a mother
singing lullaby
"It's time to wake up, Dear..." =)

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Heart of Avatar

Loving the wind sways you inconsistently.
Shivering uncontrollably.
So cold...

Loving the fire burns you alive.
Painful like a hell

Loving water drags you along.
Die in sinking.
Loving the earth will bury you.
Deep deep under the darkness ground

Loving water and earth
Both make us breathless.

Loving the light hurts your eyes.

Loving the darkness misleads your ways.

So, for whom I have to give this love?



the picture was taken from: