Saturday, July 26, 2014

Moment To Forgive and Apologize, eh?

This is my last year Eid Al Fitr art. Made it from my X-CLAMP fan art in Islamic version XD. I also made a recent art for Eid Al Fitr this year and posted it in my previous posting^^ Also...the picture above is my ideal thought and portray of ideal family and social life... Will I really get this? :)

Well Ramadhan is gone, once again. For saying it sentimentally, dunno whether should be sad or happy eh? 

People always said that Eid Al Fitr is the right moment both to forgive and ask for apologize. There will be always issues among human and social relationship right? To hurt or to be hurt are inevitable. Every year, my family and I usually get some messages, either in facebook or by SMS from our relatives, friends or acquaintance, asking us to forgive their mistakes by any means.

But honestly (secretly) usually I think it's funny to accept those kinds of message from somebody that we even hardly interacted with. "What the heck you have to me? Do we even talk after class?" XD

Lip service, I know :p Just like social obligation to show our respect to our familiar people...

Haha, cold I know.

But I once changed, I became much more social than before, and then began to send the same kind  of messages and start replying those messages I get during Ramadhan and Eid Al Fitr XD You know, how many people send you the message show how many people still remember you, still want to keep your number, and indirectly show your position in social life XD (regardless that some people might just forward the message they get from others or sending one same messages for hundreds people all at once :p )

I don't care whether I really ever done mistake or whether they really once hurt me or not, receiving those messages are fun. And the more fun is how to make my messages as creative and as funny as possible :p haha... I once even kept some messages I've sent or I've got as "ammunition messages" for next year event :p ('till my cellphone memory was overloaded and then needed to be refreshed as the consequence...OUCH! XD)

And...people come...people go. Some people keep sending their message to you, some are not doing it anymore (maybe due to certain circumstance and changes at social environment)...

The thing is...the more I think about it, the more I question myself. As the Eid Al Fitr messages keep coming in... Not even one is in specific and serious tones. Meaning...the people that once in bad terms with me never bother themselves to send their messages to me. Neither me might don't want to send anything to people who once had some issues with me...

So this tradition is just lip services at all???

Oh well...

The point in this posting is..... do we really have guts or care to ask for apologize towards the people who once we hurt? And do we really will to forgive those who once hurt us badly, whether they ask for apologize or not?

Some moments ago, I arrived to a conclusion that it's much easier to say "Happy Eid Al Fitr. Please forgive my mistakes and may God Bless you..." to some acquaintances or friends that never been in serious relationship. Means...we just interact with them for several ordinary occasions thus hardly ever had serious moments together... That's why it sounds fun. That's why the texts could sound philosophical, funny, interesting, full of jokes, and whatever...

Some atmospheres that will be hardly appear if you really feel sorry, regret and remorse towards your mistakes...

Do you ever felt the bitterly same issues here?

I often find some people say to me, "Well I have forgiven her/his, let the past be the past, and then you know that the fact he/she is the one asking forgiveness first, shows that I'm the right one. You know, it's true when people say the time will show, and God will reveal the truth..."

Or...some other things sound like above. There is always proud behind this forgive---forgiven issues. And it might be the hint that some people can't actually forgive though they said they have had.

And to add the salt to the wounds, there are two quotes I often hear in our society for this kind of issue:

"Forgiven but not forgotten.."
"A broken glass will always has its side cracked no matter how desperate you try to fix..."

So...will you really giving forgiveness?
Will you really asking for apologize?
Can the broken things is mended truly?

Think about people that once in a good term with you. Think about how it might change recently. Thing about how some happy moments is shattered just because we shared it with some people called "ex-friend"...

Bye bye and happy eid al fitr. Eid mubarrak...

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Do We Still Have Another Time???

So say, how much do we have to meet this moment again next year?

I'm feeling distressed. Many things happened since the middle of this year. I'm totally messed up, and not like the previous Ramadhans, something feels lost deep inside my heart...

What I'm doing this Ramadhan? Locking myself inside my home, sleeping all the time, and when I awake, I browsed internet, digital comic, or doing my translating job... (at least God still kindly gives me something to keep my brain occupied)

And in the same time...people in Gaza is suffering under the raid. It's really hard for them to keep fasting during Ramadhan. No market, no access, just the smell of the death everywhere... Still they keep fasting...

Comparing their condition and mine, feels like irony :(

Tomorrow, we might all be happy eating cakes, cookies and foods with all of our families. What about them?

If I still have time in this world...I hope I could have better Ramadhans :(


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Thursday, July 24, 2014


Let my blood flow
and end my misery
don't you see now
I'm finally free?

For death is not the end. It's just the beginning of the new adventure...

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I was a bit depressed when I drew this. The pose reference is taken from NANA artwork

PARADOXA (Paradox-She)

What she thought: WHATEVER! (the pose inspired by an artist in DA named Takenaka san/tknk)

She's loaded with figure of speeches
For her lips are full of metaphors
and paradox is her persona

Sometimes she thinks in hyperbolic
which she conveyed in periphrasis

She's like a dandelion. None knows where she will land
as her decisions tend to lead to irony

How she hates sarcasm. But she likes to cursed sarcastically

She walks in figure of speech. 
She likes personify the soulless

In her cry she laughs. In her laugh she cries.
She kills the loneliness by hugging tight the solitude

How she likes wacky association. And she is associated with wackyness

Maybe because she loves the wind...
that blows away her mind


She loves the wind with all of her hatreds. 
And hates the wind with all of her loves

Currently listening to: Fushizen na Girl (Artificial Girl) by: PERFUME

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Thursday, December 20, 2012


For all the times that have been wasted...
For all the impudent thing that have been done
For all the laziness that have been through...
For all the chances that have been flied away...

What is the point of regret?

Times will never return...

God bye days...

Tuesday, December 18, 2012


I saw my face in the mirror today and found a cute face. But then I realize that behind that face, without my skins, meat, etc, I'm just a pale skeleton. How hard I try to run after beauty, in the end, I will never avoid the fate that I'll be just a pale bones, in the end I will be buried alone deep down underground...

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Alone in The Dark

I'm alone and I'm lonely. Just look at my FB, I felt like I've spent my times in the cave. My friend has a baby now. One of my favorite lecturer accepted 252 B-day messages last week (except from me)... And here I am still exile myself... I want to go faraway... far far far away... to the place that is not here