Monday, August 18, 2014

What I Hate

Since I'm being a shut in, I often felling hurt for not a really significant reason every time I open my Facebook...

I hate people I know who likes to post their GPA on FB. Saying that they're cum laude, got straight A, whatever.

I never did that though I've got some A's. Posting your GPA feels like you wanna show to others that you're much smarter than the rest...on paper.

I also hate when someone being lovey-dovey on FB. That's stupid, ridiculous, and makes people want to think since when you turn to be an exhibitionist. LOL...

I hate it...

When I finally posting my artworks on FB, many friends like it and comment how they miss me.


What a sweet lip-service.

I also hate my parents who always make me as if I'm not worthy enough. How they never appreciate my achievements... I hate them...

Welcome to the dark side of me.

I think I need to produce more artworks so I'll be lighten up a bit.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

48 Hours Draw (Breaking My Own Record!!!)

Fleur and Yumiko, the OCs of some artists in Deviant Art. Seems like they are a real couple in the real life

I draw this picture, only for about 48 hours! Precisely I started drawing from 14th August, 10.00 p.m till today's 09.00 a.m. I felt like I was possessed to draw that fast (it is considered pretty rapid for me who's really slow at drawing that sometimes I could even need months and years to finish one piece of artwork!)

This is drawn by using reference. Of course with many modifications as usual. When I started drawing the cats, then all the fun began! XD I don't wanna to make the couple alone just by themselves anyway. It's like my own personal policy to keep my arts still PG 13+ and under hahaha :D (I could say that this is my most intimate pose... that's why we need those cats around ahaha)

I have to draw many straight lines here oh my...(and finally I use my ruler to the max!). Also Iadd so many objects there. After I finished them all this morning, I felt like my right fingers went numb and felt like I have to sleep for days to recharge!

Basically I'm both relieved and quite satisfied with the result, yet the grainy looks on all over place makes me want to mourn X(

I really want to create a smooth arts using my pencil color someday. Ugh! Have to train more!

Well, so now I have to start pray and cross my fingers so I'll be the winner and get the prize as well ahahah :D I really want to show to my family that I could get something from my own art :D

Wish me luck guyz!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

WIP I'm Doing Now

Yep, now I'm drawing a fanart of CLAMP's X/1999 Dragons of Earth and one training doodle featuring Rayvision's OCs: Himiko and Momo Tsugunaga. Yeah, SHUT UP AND DRAW! DRAW OR DIE! DRAW TILL DAWN! XD XD XD

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Burn The Neighbor

Seriously I really hate my neighbors. Especially the big house in front of us. It is a boarding house for many night women, those who are working shady jobs in club, bar, karaoke, etc. I hate them all. Their guests like to make silly commotion every night. They women always laugh maniacally like some bitches witches (even though when everybody should be sleeping in this time). The men like to play some firecrackers in the middle of the night. But the security never warn them!!! (so why do we keep paying them???)

Also, there are some black people from Eastern region who like to get drunk, and playing tag while shouting like savage tribes in the night. They should be some college students who follow certain program here but the only thing they do in this city is just making stir.

I hate them all! I wish they are burnt. Don't they have any social awareness? Don't they themselves feel disturbed if they are in our situations???

I hate them. I hate the security. I hate people here who just being ignorant. The only person who ever scolded and warned them is my dad. But dad has no energy to keep doing that every single night! Whereas those "devils" act as if they are challenging other person to warn them again and again...

People like them should not be exist in this already rotten world!

Saturday, August 9, 2014


Could something cure this loneliness?
Could someone fill this emptiness?
For I'm sure that I was born not into nothingness...

Friday, August 8, 2014

"Deviant" Days

I'm drawing again. And it works better to relieve my anxiety and restlessness than just reading manga (or editing old artworks LOL). I upload my artworks on a site named Deviant Art. Also on drawcrowds, kreavi, and pinterest. However, it's really hard to get popular there :sad :sad: (except for Deviant Art where I have had 4000s page views and more than 50 watchers). Maybe because there are groups on DA that enhance the new artists to getting popular and get along with other users. here are my two last artworks:

In this artwork there's Shirayuki Himeka san, Yuina, and meh. You don't have any idea how long I had to spent to finish this one (laziness is the main factor here :p) The background took longest time. And my favorite part is her golden blond hair.  Unfortunately the paper becomes dull due to the long delay (maybe also because there're too many objects there?). But I'm relieved I finally finish this one.

The pose reference is from Katagiri Ikumi. I added some dragonflies to make it more artistic and distinct. This is Yuina. To draw the red dragonflies I was really helped by pencil color tutorial of Ian Wongkar. 

I uploaded these two artworks almost in the same time. But just like my expectation, the second one draws more attention in DA. In fact, the faves are increasing rapidly I'm surprised XD Must be because of the unique pose XD... I'm really happy with the results and I like dragonflies now. I have to draw them again in my next artworks...

Well...once I start drawing, I barely can't stop it. Now I'm working on another artwork and I have tons inside my head. So I spend most of my days in front of laptop, drawing by using references. Also I spend most of my times mingling in Deviant Art.  Sometimes my mother asks me to do something, then I take some rests, and after that drawing again. I don't know how long this thing will happen. But as long as I'm living and healthy now, what more I could ask?

I wonder if my writings and artworks will bring me to the world outside...again


Just that for today

See ya

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Moment To Forgive and Apologize, eh?

This is my last year Eid Al Fitr art. Made it from my X-CLAMP fan art in Islamic version XD. I also made a recent art for Eid Al Fitr this year and posted it in my previous posting^^ Also...the picture above is my ideal thought and portray of ideal family and social life... Will I really get this? :)

Well Ramadhan is gone, once again. For saying it sentimentally, dunno whether should be sad or happy eh? 

People always said that Eid Al Fitr is the right moment both to forgive and ask for apologize. There will be always issues among human and social relationship right? To hurt or to be hurt are inevitable. Every year, my family and I usually get some messages, either in facebook or by SMS from our relatives, friends or acquaintance, asking us to forgive their mistakes by any means.

But honestly (secretly) usually I think it's funny to accept those kinds of message from somebody that we even hardly interacted with. "What the heck you have to me? Do we even talk after class?" XD

Lip service, I know :p Just like social obligation to show our respect to our familiar people...

Haha, cold I know.

But I once changed, I became much more social than before, and then began to send the same kind  of messages and start replying those messages I get during Ramadhan and Eid Al Fitr XD You know, how many people send you the message show how many people still remember you, still want to keep your number, and indirectly show your position in social life XD (regardless that some people might just forward the message they get from others or sending one same messages for hundreds people all at once :p )

I don't care whether I really ever done mistake or whether they really once hurt me or not, receiving those messages are fun. And the more fun is how to make my messages as creative and as funny as possible :p haha... I once even kept some messages I've sent or I've got as "ammunition messages" for next year event :p ('till my cellphone memory was overloaded and then needed to be refreshed as the consequence...OUCH! XD)

And...people come...people go. Some people keep sending their message to you, some are not doing it anymore (maybe due to certain circumstance and changes at social environment)...

The thing is...the more I think about it, the more I question myself. As the Eid Al Fitr messages keep coming in... Not even one is in specific and serious tones. Meaning...the people that once in bad terms with me never bother themselves to send their messages to me. Neither me might don't want to send anything to people who once had some issues with me...

So this tradition is just lip services at all???

Oh well...

The point in this posting is..... do we really have guts or care to ask for apologize towards the people who once we hurt? And do we really will to forgive those who once hurt us badly, whether they ask for apologize or not?

Some moments ago, I arrived to a conclusion that it's much easier to say "Happy Eid Al Fitr. Please forgive my mistakes and may God Bless you..." to some acquaintances or friends that never been in serious relationship. Means...we just interact with them for several ordinary occasions thus hardly ever had serious moments together... That's why it sounds fun. That's why the texts could sound philosophical, funny, interesting, full of jokes, and whatever...

Some atmospheres that will be hardly appear if you really feel sorry, regret and remorse towards your mistakes...

Do you ever felt the bitterly same issues here?

I often find some people say to me, "Well I have forgiven her/his, let the past be the past, and then you know that the fact he/she is the one asking forgiveness first, shows that I'm the right one. You know, it's true when people say the time will show, and God will reveal the truth..."

Or...some other things sound like above. There is always proud behind this forgive---forgiven issues. And it might be the hint that some people can't actually forgive though they said they have had.

And to add the salt to the wounds, there are two quotes I often hear in our society for this kind of issue:

"Forgiven but not forgotten.."
"A broken glass will always has its side cracked no matter how desperate you try to fix..."

So...will you really giving forgiveness?
Will you really asking for apologize?
Can the broken things is mended truly?

Think about people that once in a good term with you. Think about how it might change recently. Thing about how some happy moments is shattered just because we shared it with some people called "ex-friend"...

Bye bye and happy eid al fitr. Eid mubarrak...

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